Why Talking to Your Mates Isn’t Always Enough: The Importance of Choosing Who You Share With.

We hear it everywhere: “Talk to someone.”

It’s a message that’s pushed hard in mental health campaigns, social media posts,

and even by well-meaning mates. And on the surface, it’s good advice.

Bottling things up rarely helps, and reaching out can feel like a relief.

But here’s the catch: who you talk to matters.

Because as much as we love our mates,

they’re not always the right people to carry the weight of what’s really going on.

The Risk of Oversharing With Mates

Your best mate might be there for beers, banter, and the day-to-day stuff. But when it comes to your deepest struggles, there are risks:

• They’re not trained. Your mate isn’t a counsellor. They might not know what to say, or worse, say the wrong thing.

• They may not want to know. Harsh as it sounds, not everyone is equipped — or even willing — to handle heavy truths.

• They could see you differently. Once you share something deeply personal, you can’t take it back. Their view of you might shift.

• They might mishandle your trust. Maybe they tell someone else “by accident.” Maybe they gossip. Sometimes it’s intentional, sometimes it’s not. Either way, it can hurt.

And when trust gets broken like that, the damage can cut deeper than the original problem.

The Betrayal Factor

We’ve all heard stories — or lived them ourselves — of mates who couldn’t keep something in confidence. Sometimes they don’t mean harm. They might think they’re “helping” by telling someone else. Other times, it’s straight-up betrayal.

Either way, that kind of breach of trust can leave scars. You might feel exposed, judged, or even humiliated. And it can make you shut down more than before.

The Limits of Friendship

Here’s the truth: mates are brilliant for support, laughs, and being there when you need someone. But that doesn’t make them counsellors.

And just because your mate once did a counselling course or read a book doesn’t suddenly make them a professional. Unless they’re fully trained, qualified, and registered with a governing body, they are not a counsellor. All they’ve done is scratch the surface — and if they’re trying to play therapist without the proper training or accountability, it can do real damage. They should know their limits. Sadly, I see this go wrong far too often.

• They’ve got their own stuff going on.

• They might not know how to react when you open up.

• They could feel burdened, awkward, or out of their depth.

It’s not their fault. It’s just the limit of what friendship can realistically hold.

The Professional Difference

This is where counselling is different. Talking to a professional gives you something a mate never can:

• Confidentiality. A counsellor is legally and ethically bound to keep what you say private.

• No judgement. You won’t be labelled, laughed at, or made to feel small.

• Tools to help. A counsellor isn’t just listening — they’re trained to help you work through what’s weighing you down.

In short: a mate can support you, but a counsellor can help you heal.

Finding the Balance

None of this means you should stop talking to your mates. Connection is vital, and friends are a big part of getting through life’s ups and downs.

But it does mean being mindful:

• Choose what, when, and how much you share.

• Ask yourself: “Can this mate really handle what I’m about to say?”

• Recognise when it’s time to take the bigger stuff to someone trained.

Final Thoughts

Talking is powerful. But only if you’re talking to the right person.

Your mate might share a pint with you and lend an ear. But they’re not trained, not bound by confidentiality, and sometimes not even willing to carry what you’re holding.

A counsellor gives you the space, safety, and support to say what you need — without fear of judgement or betrayal.

It’s not about just talking. It’s about talking to the right person.